Winner of the 12th Annual International Latino Book Awards!!

I am very proud to share with you the latest event that took place this past May 25 at the Javits Center in New York City, where the 2010 International Latino Book Awards Winners were announced. This major event showcases the diversity and importance of our multicultural community.

My latest book Parents Who Cheat received First Place.

12th Annual International Latino Book Awards Winner

Best Parenting/Family Book - English

Parents Who Cheat. How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their parents Are Unfaithful - Dr. Ana Nogales - Health Communications, Inc.

Latino Literacy Now is a non-profit organization that supports and promotes literacy and literary excellence within the Latino community. They created the Latino Book Awards back in 1999 in recognition of the many positive contributions being made to Latino literature by publishers and writers worldwide.  

I feel very proud and I am glad that many people is reading and using this book as an aid in dealing with problems that may have originated with a parent’s unfaithfulness. In my book I also suggest ways that parents can minimize the negative effects of infidelity on a child.

Thank you all and I as always welcome your comments.

Remember to buy a copy for your friends and family from Amazon today!

-Dr. Ana Nogales.

Share your thoughts about new relationships

When we enter into a serious relationship with someone, none of us expects to be treated badly. We are attracted to the positive qualities in a potential partner, we feel passionately towards them, we often ignore or fail to see any negative attributes, and we fall in love. But there is something else that influences our attraction to a prospective mate: our need to love and be loved. Each of us longs for a special closeness to one other person. We may be pulled into a relationship by an intense physical attraction, but we also want to be intimately connected to someone who shares our values, who understands us, who treats us with kindness, and who will offer compassion and emotional support. And don't we also want someone with whom we can share our dreams for the future, someone we think of as our closest friend? Perhaps these are the things you wanted when you initially got together with your partner. Share your thoughts and find out more about yourself.

- Dr. Ana Nogales

How are your new year resolutions doing so far?

It is close to the end of February and some are already dropping off their new year resolutions. Reasons vary, but it has to do mostly with the fact that the big majority of those "resolutions" are too vague or not realistic at all.

But those resolutions that have to do with the inner you should prevail.

I invite you to focus on something more possitive and way more effective: the invigorating process of self-discovery. Let yourself be amazed by your own journey, by the creativity, struggles, and surprises along the way. Take some time as our new year begins to think about how you came to be the person you are today, an evolving individual with new passions, dreams, and awareness. It is OK if you rather choose the first few days of the month, or the first few days of the week. Just set aside some time to launch and think about: What made last year’s changes possible? What chances did you take and what efforts did you make in order to pursue a new course that really mattered to you? How did a change of heart or a shift in attitude play a part? What caused you to draw upon new sources of inner strength? And what will you ask of yourself this year as you undertake new challenges?

While we sometimes lose sight of this core truth, it is an enduring one: the most profound changes come from within.

- Dr. Ana Nogales

Leading a cultural double life

Whether we were born in the United States or have lived here only a short time, as Latinos we inhabit two distinct worlds.

One is the world of our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. This is the culture we hold in our hearts. The culture that embraces large families and close ties to aunts and uncles, cousins, and sisters-in-law. The culture that values tradition, respect for our elders, loyalty to old friends, and a sense of belonging to the community.

We also dwell in the multicultural United States, an environment so diverse that it is almost impossible to define. It is a world where the opportunity to pursue your dream is granted to every citizen. Where striking out on your own is hailed as heroic. Where women and men are more equal than anywhere else in the world. And where the individual is nearly always valued over the group.

Many of us grapple with the feeling that we have two separate identities.

We sense that when we move from one “world” to the other, we must somehow alter parts of ourselves in order to be accepted. And we wonder what we’re gaining and what we’re giving up in the process, how this “cultural double life” affects our relationships and the well-being of our families.

In Latino cultures, family, including extended family, is always our first priority. In mainstream American culture, family is defined as “nuclear” or immediate. For Latinos, feeling part of our community is an important aspect of our identity; whereas our acculturated self tells us that independence and doing our own thing are more important than group involvement.

As Latinos, we tend to be more formal, because formality is a way of showing pride in ourselves. But as Americans, informality makes us more approachable. Elders are treated with respect and reverence in Latino families, while youth and vitality are celebrated in American life. And when it comes to relationships, traditional male-female roles are more prevalent in Latino cultures; whereas more equitable roles for men and women are generally acceptable to most Americans.

As Latino-Americans, our cultural identity influences every aspect of our personal lives. The social customs in our country of origin; the roles we learned from our parents; the attitudes of our grandparents, which we may disavow but which are still with us on a subconscious level — each of these factors affects who we are and how we relate to the people we love.

Of course each of us has a distinct personality, family history, and set of personal concerns. But as Latinos living in the U.S., we also lead, at least to some degree, a cultural double life.

As most of us realize on an almost daily basis, living in two worlds at once can be challenging. But I believe this fascinating double life also enriches us, giving us greater opportunities to expand who we are. After all, why would we want to lose either the Latino or the American traits that combine to make us uniquely Latino-American?

- Dr. Ana Nogales

What If You’re Not Feeling So Thankful?

Image by K. Todd Storch via Flickr

As we approach the beginning of a new year, a time when families are called upon to embody a Norman Rockwell sense of togetherness and gratitude, some may feel pressured to become a family they’re not. There is a kind of national obligation to appear to be a close and happy family, even if just for this one meaningful time of the year.

But what if you don't have such great relationships with your family? What if your parents are overly critical, your children are not following a path you approve of, or you are estranged from your siblings for some significant reason? What if there are unresolved issues between members of your family and you dread the Holiday celebrations because you know you’ll have to fake it, keeping your resentments and anger under wraps?

It is certainly true that enjoying close, loving ties to one’s family can engender feelings of inner peace and spiritual well-being, especially in a world that is both unpredictable and materialistic. But is there still a reason to be thankful—even if your family falls far short of the idealized Rockwellian portrait? First of all, I think it’s important to recognize the obvious: ideal families are just that – ideal, not real. In every group of relatives sitting around Holiday tables in a few weeks there will be those suffering from marital problems, overbearing or neglectful parenting, sibling clashes, even dark secrets of misconduct or abuse.

Before we can turn our attention to gratitude, it’s necessary to grieve for the family we wish we had but do not. It’s never beneficial to ignore problems and simply tell ourselves to “appreciate what you have.” Some of us must cope with more serious family issues than others, and such difficulties require more from us than those who may be blessed with a happier family life.

After acknowledging what may be missing in our family relationships, each of us can then focus on the positive. Perhaps you had a good relationship with one of your relatives in the past, and you are working things out so that things may get better in the future. Maybe there is one family member with whom you have a special connection, with whom you feel free to be yourself. Or perhaps you have created a “family” with trusted and beloved friends, a group you feel more “related to” than the family into which you were born.

However you arrive at that place of gratitude, take the time to let your feelings of gratefulness resonate. Being honestly thankful can be more challenging for some than for others. But sometimes those challenges enhance the true spirit of the Holidays.

- Dr. Ana Nogales

Behind closed doors ...

The Sanford and Edwards infidelity stories bring up a more general issue that touches countless lives: Family secrets. Can partners and parents really keep secrets from each other and from their children - or will those secrets eventually surface and become even more painful? Is it always best to tell the truth, even if it means hurting your partner-and your child?

Image via Wikipedia

Although parents may think children are immune to what happens "behind closed doors," they aren't. Children usually sense when something is seriously wrong between their parents, even if mom and dad try to keep their problems a secret. When parents attempt to hide what's really going on, children are left with their keen intuition and active imagination. They intuit that their parents are feeling differently, and they "fill in the blanks" about what might be causing those emotional changes, often blaming themselves.

When infidelity results in a family crisis, I strongly believe that children are entitled to know what happened. Shielding them from the truth only adds to their sense of unease and confusion. With that said, it can be tricky for parents to decide how much they should reveal to a child. Obviously, children don't need to know details of an affair, and what they are told will depend on their age. But children should be informed of the general facts, so that their feelings of confusion and distress can be validated and dealt with. Parents can explain that adults may make serious mistakes, even hurt the people they love.

Children who are told the truth in an age-appropriate way will fare far better than those who discover the secret on their own or are forced to live with unconfirmed suspicions about those they love.

The Wisdom in Giving Up - Scene 3

Jenny’s story is another example of someone who gave up in order to embark on a more positive path. For a long time, she had relentlessly pursued an unrequited love. Her pursuit was fruitless in that the more she insisted upon the relationship, the more she drove away her would-be partner. Despite her heartache and suffering, Jenny finally decided to give up her pursuit. She realized that one cannot beg to be loved. She could, however, continue to be a loving person. When she gave herself permission to be loving in general, she expanded her emotional life. Even without a partner, her loving attitude made her happier. And with her open outlook, a new partner appeared—someone who could love her back. By giving up her attempt to make someone love her who was not interested in a relationship, Jenny eventually learned that her capacity to love went far beyond her previous obsession.

The Wisdom in Giving Up - Scene 2

A similar transformation took place in Carlos’ life. He had always worked extremely hard so that he could one day enjoy a better lifestyle. But after pushing himself year after year to work many long hours, he began to suffer intense back pain, his diabetes got worse, and he had a heart attack. Maybe his decision to give up his punishing work schedule came a little late, but Carlos finally realized that he was lucky to be alive and that pushing himself that hard in order to make more money made no sense. He began to question what it meant to live well and realized that his health and well-being were more important than greater financial success. By giving up, Carlos learned to enjoy what he already had.

- Dr. Ana Nogales

The Wisdom in Giving Up - Scene 1

When you reach the point of saying, ‘I’ve had enough—I refuse to be continually unhappy!’ you’ll discover that new doors are open to you. Maria, a patient of mine who was a victim of domestic violence, recently told me, ‘I’ve had it up to here with my misery! From now on, I will own my life—I will not hand it over to anyone else!’ In order for her to arrive at that decision, Maria had to declare that she had given up the struggle to hold onto an unhealthy relationship. Once she made that declaration, she was free to consider what she really wanted from her life and to make new choices.

- Dr. Ana Nogales

Still unsure whether or not to give up a losing battle?

Image via Wikipedia

There are times when life won’t allow us to follow our chosen course. We keep pushing toward what we think we want, but one obstacle after another continues to block our way. We ask ourselves, ‘Shall I give up…or should I keep trying?’ After endlessly complaining about our dilemma, and asking the people we trust for their advice, we go on debating within ourselves—still unsure whether or not to give up a losing battle.


For many people, the notion of giving up signifies surrender and failure. For others, pulling back and considering other options seems both smart and logical. Is it possible that giving up is sometimes the wisest course of action?

Very often those who are unhappy in their lives—who may be suffering in abusive relationships or stressed out with endless projects or miserable in an unsatisfying work situation—still feel the need to stay the course. They continue pushing in the direction that has always brought them misery and unhappiness, yet gets them no closer to the life they yearn for. The changes they desire fail to come about, while their dissatisfaction intensifies.

If you identify with this scenario, perhaps it is time for you to consider the option of giving up. What I’m talking about has nothing to do with failure; rather, I am suggesting that when we feel stuck in an unhappy or unproductive situation, we can give it up in order to consider our options and take an alternate path. There is always the possibility to make changes in our lives by identifying actions we can take that will improve our circumstances and lighten our spirit. But first we need to give up what hasn’t worked for us in the past.