What do you look for in a new relationship?

When we enter into a serious relationship with someone, none of us expects to be treated badly. We are attracted to the positive qualities in a potential partner, we feel passionately towards them, we often ignore or fail to see any negative attributes, and we fall in love. But there is something else that influences our attraction to a prospective mate: our need to love and be loved. Each of us longs for a special closeness to one other person. We may be pulled into a relationship by an intense physical attraction, but we also want to be intimately connected to someone who shares our values, who understands us, who treats us with kindness, and who will offer compassion and emotional support. And don't we also want someone with whom we can share our dreams for the future, someone we think of as our closest friend? Perhaps these are the things you wanted when you initially got together with your partner.


- Dr. Ana Nogales

Share your thoughts about new relationships

When we enter into a serious relationship with someone, none of us expects to be treated badly. We are attracted to the positive qualities in a potential partner, we feel passionately towards them, we often ignore or fail to see any negative attributes, and we fall in love. But there is something else that influences our attraction to a prospective mate: our need to love and be loved. Each of us longs for a special closeness to one other person. We may be pulled into a relationship by an intense physical attraction, but we also want to be intimately connected to someone who shares our values, who understands us, who treats us with kindness, and who will offer compassion and emotional support. And don't we also want someone with whom we can share our dreams for the future, someone we think of as our closest friend? Perhaps these are the things you wanted when you initially got together with your partner. Share your thoughts and find out more about yourself.

- Dr. Ana Nogales

A Family Crisis

A few days ago, I was asked to give my opinion regarding my latest book "Parents Who Cheat" and the so called "Family Secrets".

Can partners and parents really keep secrets from each other and from their children - or will those secrets eventually surface and become even more painful? Is it always best to tell the truth, even if it means hurting your partner-and your child?


When infidelity results in a family crisis, I strongly believe that children are entitled to know what happened. Shielding them from the truth only adds to their sense of unease and confusion. With that said, it can be tricky for parents to decide how much they should reveal to a child.

Obviously, children don't need to know details of an affair, and what they are told will depend on their age. But children should be informed of the general facts, so that their feelings of confusion and distress can be validated and dealt with. Parents can explain that adults may make serious mistakes, even hurt the people they love.
Children who are told the truth in an age-appropriate way will fare far better than those who discover the secret on their own or are forced to live with unconfirmed suspicions about those they love.
 
- Dr. Ana Nogales

Living together can be so complicated!!

Every relationship requires mutual and continuous work. When one or both partners cease working on the relationship, it suffers and fails. Love is built day by day and grows with the years. Though the passion of youth may diminish, the time spent together unites a couple even more, as does the recognition that nothing is more precious than enjoying the company of the one you love. My most basic advice is to never forget to dedicate yourselves to each other to appreciate, support, and enjoy each other. And to live every moment intensely, appreciating that special person that life gave you.

-Dr. Ana Nogales

The ingredients of a healthy relationship

A very frequent question that comes up in my office is: What are the ingredients of a healthy relationship?

Anyone would easily respond that love is the most important ingredient. And it's true, because love allows us to go through the misery and torment of the roughest times, to solve conflicts and develop tolerance. But love is not the only ingredient in a happy relationship.
A study by Susan Sprecher, Ph.D. at the University of Illinois revealed that satisfaction and commitment are more important than love in couples that wish to share their lives together. Out of a total of 101 couples that were studied prior to marriage, 59% ended their relationship because they lacked satisfaction and commitment even though they stated that love was still present. Of the remaining couples, 71% got married. Further studies revealed that love, satisfaction and commitment increased with the time.

I believe that commitment is essential in a relationship, but not only the commitment to stay together. Each partner must commit to respecting, understanding and supporting the other on their particular path through life. And, of course, love allows partners to make this journey and to travel together with passion.

-Dr. Ana Nogales