“Can I Forgive My Parent?”

Seeing my father making efforts to gain back my mother’s faith in him made me believe he was sincere in asking for forgiveness. And once I realized that I’ve been forgiven for all of my sins, how could I not forgive my father for the hurt that he caused?
- Brenda, 33

One time my mom did ask for our forgiveness. We were eating dinner, me and my brothers and her, and she said, ‘I made some mistakes…’ but I didn’t feel like it was very heartfelt. Maybe it was, I don’t know. I remember she started crying.
- Grace, 25

I’m not sure if I really did forgive my father. I went through the motions of it, and I thought I did at the time, right before he died…but I feel a lot of frustration because I never really got to understand why he did it.
- Jane, 59


Forgiving is not condoning. Nor is it an agreement to ignore wrongdoing. Forgiving is about accepting human frailty, even in your own parents whom you look to as your primary role models. But in order to come to that acceptance, as an older child or adult child of infidelity you must go through a process of understanding, expressing, and letting go of your resentments: understanding your family’s infidelity crisis and how you were affected by it; working through and expressing your feelings about it; and then finally relinquishing your anger and resentment toward your parent or parents.

If you are a child of infidelity who wants to forgive a parent, you will need to confront such difficult questions as these:

• Can I accept that someone I love and trusted has done something wrong?
• Can I accept that my parent failed to live up to his/her professed moral values?
• Can I accept that my parent unintentionally hurt me, yet still loves me?
• Can I accept that one parent deeply hurt the other?
• Can I forgive the parent who cheated even if my betrayed parent cannot?
  

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You can get more useful tools and tips in my new book "Parents who Cheat".

Latest release: "Parents Who Cheat"

"Parents Who Cheat"
by Dr. Ana Nogales

CLICK HERE TO BUY THE BOOK NOW! >>

When a child of any age discovers that one parent has cheated on the other, that child suffers a profound loss of trust. He or she can no longer take anyone at face value and constantly anticipates betrayal. The following comments are from adult children, ranging in age from twenty to fifty, for whom the feeling of “deep mistrust” is an ongoing issue.


When your parents sexually betray each other, you are often left with a host of emotions that reverberate well into adulthood. Shock, rage, shame, confusion, loss of trust—these are common responses of those whose parents were unfaithful. It is no wonder, then, that an adult child’s romantic relationships will be deeply affected by a parent’s broken vow.

About the Author

Dr. Ana Nogales is a clinical psychologist with years of experience helping clients whose lives have been impacted by parental infidelity. She is the founder of Nogales Psychological Counseling, Inc. and Clinical Director of the nonprofit organization that she founded, Casa de la Familia, established for victims of crime. She practices in Los Angeles and Orange Counties, supervising a clinical program of forty bilingual-bicultural mental health professionals. The author of Latina Power! and Dr. Ana Nogales’ Book of Love, Sex, and Relationships, Dr. Nogales is also a well known media expert who has hosted her own television and radio programs and written an ongoing column for La Opinion, the country’s #1 Spanish language newspaper, as well as other media outlets. Featured at workshops and conferences throughout the United States and Latin America, including at the Omega Institute and the Women's Foundation, Dr. Nogales appeared with Nobel Prize Laureate, Rigoberta Menchu Tum at the 2007 Women, Power and Peace Conference.

Laura Golden Bellotti is a writer who has co-authored and ghostwritten a number of nonfiction books, including: Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults are Affected When Their Parents are Unfaithful (HCI); Emotionally Healthy Twins (DaCapo Press); Latina Power! (Simon & Schuster); Dr. Ana Nogales' Book of Love, Sex and Relationships: A Guide for Latino Couples (Broadway Books); Creative Weddings (Plume/Penguin); and You Can't Hurry Love (Dutton/Penguin).

Her short story, "It Will Be Sweet," was published in WEST, the Los Angeles Times Sunday magazine, having been selected by their Literary Editor, Amy Tan. Her story "Fighting the Bulls" appears in the anthology, Literary Angles (Sybaritic Press). And her poems appear in Poetic Medicine, by John Fox (Tarcher), and Essential Love, edited by Ginny Lowe Connors (Poetworks/Grayson Books), as well as in various literary journals.

Ms. Bellotti was the editor of the best-selling Women Who Love Too Much and has since edited numerous nonfiction books in the areas of psychology, parenting, relationships, women's issues, creativity, spirituality, and health.

She lives in Los Angeles and is a member of the Los Angeles Editors and Writers Group.

CLICK HERE TO BUY THE BOOK NOW! >>

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Product Details
Paperback: 264 pages
Publisher: HCI (July 1, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0757306527
ISBN-13: 978-0757306525
Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces

Love, Sex and Relationships
by Dra. Ana Nogales


Dr. Ana Nogales, the popular TV and radio psychologist and columnist for La Opinion, offers the first guide for Latino couples and families trying to build strong, loving relationships between two cultures. Why does my husband pay more attention to his family than he does to our family? My boyfriend and I have a hard time opening up to one another. How can we learn to communicate better? How can I encourage my wife to be more free sexually? Why does my husband feel threatened now that I have a good job? How can we teach our children to love and respect their Latino heritage?



In this compassionate, practical, and long-awaited book, Dr. Ana Nogales provides wisdom and insight for the millions of Latinos who find themselves caught between two worlds--the traditions of their Latino upbringing and the demands of modern American society. Exploring how cultural attitudes and social pressures affect the way Latinos relate to those they love, Dr. Nogales describes the challenges Latinos encounter as they grapple with what can often be a difficult and wide cultural divide. Dr. Nogales, a psychologist who has specialized in Latino family issues for nearly twenty years, identifies the most common relationship problems Latino couples face. Based on her experience working with Latinos of all backgrounds and nationalities, Dr. Nogales offers helpful advice on topics such as maintaining a sense of cultural identity, learning to communicate effectively, dealing with sexual conflict, raising children, and adapting to changing roles for men and women--all from a Latino perspective. In addition, she answers the ten most frequently asked questions about love, sex, and relationships, including how to meet a mate, how to interact with a spouse's family, and how to maintain a loving and passionate relationship. Using intimate case histories of couples from diverse backgrounds, Dr. Nogales shows readers how to take the best from both the mainstream American and Latino cultures to create relationships and families that are strong, nurturing, and loving. Warm, candid, and authoritative, Dr. Ana Nogales' Book of Love, Sex, and Relationships is sure to become an invaluable resource for Latino couples everywhere.