Leading a cultural double life

Whether we were born in the United States or have lived here only a short time, as Latinos we inhabit two distinct worlds.

One is the world of our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. This is the culture we hold in our hearts. The culture that embraces large families and close ties to aunts and uncles, cousins, and sisters-in-law. The culture that values tradition, respect for our elders, loyalty to old friends, and a sense of belonging to the community.

We also dwell in the multicultural United States, an environment so diverse that it is almost impossible to define. It is a world where the opportunity to pursue your dream is granted to every citizen. Where striking out on your own is hailed as heroic. Where women and men are more equal than anywhere else in the world. And where the individual is nearly always valued over the group.

Many of us grapple with the feeling that we have two separate identities.

We sense that when we move from one “world” to the other, we must somehow alter parts of ourselves in order to be accepted. And we wonder what we’re gaining and what we’re giving up in the process, how this “cultural double life” affects our relationships and the well-being of our families.

In Latino cultures, family, including extended family, is always our first priority. In mainstream American culture, family is defined as “nuclear” or immediate. For Latinos, feeling part of our community is an important aspect of our identity; whereas our acculturated self tells us that independence and doing our own thing are more important than group involvement.

As Latinos, we tend to be more formal, because formality is a way of showing pride in ourselves. But as Americans, informality makes us more approachable. Elders are treated with respect and reverence in Latino families, while youth and vitality are celebrated in American life. And when it comes to relationships, traditional male-female roles are more prevalent in Latino cultures; whereas more equitable roles for men and women are generally acceptable to most Americans.

As Latino-Americans, our cultural identity influences every aspect of our personal lives. The social customs in our country of origin; the roles we learned from our parents; the attitudes of our grandparents, which we may disavow but which are still with us on a subconscious level — each of these factors affects who we are and how we relate to the people we love.

Of course each of us has a distinct personality, family history, and set of personal concerns. But as Latinos living in the U.S., we also lead, at least to some degree, a cultural double life.

As most of us realize on an almost daily basis, living in two worlds at once can be challenging. But I believe this fascinating double life also enriches us, giving us greater opportunities to expand who we are. After all, why would we want to lose either the Latino or the American traits that combine to make us uniquely Latino-American?

- Dr. Ana Nogales

The Benefit of Loneliness

Latinos in the United States complain a lot about loneliness. For many, loneliness is very real because we live far away from our family, from our country and from our customs. But loneliness is not always negative. To begin with, we must distinguish loneliness from the fact of living alone. These are two completely different situations.

In a cultural sense, Latinos interpret living alone as loneliness because we are used to living with or near our large extended families. We're used to the presence of others and sharing our lives with others.

This is often because we don't leave home until it's time to form one of our own, even when we go to the university. And when we are alone, we feel that something's missing. On the other hand, in the U.S. it's expected that after your eighteenth birthday, you should be prepared to be self-sufficient, to continue your studies in another city or to make a living without anyone's help. Living alone is thus a lifestyle associated with autonomy and the pride of being independent.

It is becoming more and more common for young people to live alone, especially since they're tending to delay getting married. American society accepts this way of living, without pressuring its young adults to find their life partner by a certain age. It's possible that younger generations will benefit from delaying marriage in that they will be more mature when they do take a partner, and they will avoid marriage if conditions are not suitable. In turn, this could result in decreased rates of divorce and fewer children raised in single families.

Latinos are used to thinking of loneliness as bad company, or as a bad counselor. However, loneliness can also become our friend, because it can give us information to which we otherwise wouldn't have access.

- Dr. Ana Nogales

Love, Sex and Relationships
by Dra. Ana Nogales


Dr. Ana Nogales, the popular TV and radio psychologist and columnist for La Opinion, offers the first guide for Latino couples and families trying to build strong, loving relationships between two cultures. Why does my husband pay more attention to his family than he does to our family? My boyfriend and I have a hard time opening up to one another. How can we learn to communicate better? How can I encourage my wife to be more free sexually? Why does my husband feel threatened now that I have a good job? How can we teach our children to love and respect their Latino heritage?



In this compassionate, practical, and long-awaited book, Dr. Ana Nogales provides wisdom and insight for the millions of Latinos who find themselves caught between two worlds--the traditions of their Latino upbringing and the demands of modern American society. Exploring how cultural attitudes and social pressures affect the way Latinos relate to those they love, Dr. Nogales describes the challenges Latinos encounter as they grapple with what can often be a difficult and wide cultural divide. Dr. Nogales, a psychologist who has specialized in Latino family issues for nearly twenty years, identifies the most common relationship problems Latino couples face. Based on her experience working with Latinos of all backgrounds and nationalities, Dr. Nogales offers helpful advice on topics such as maintaining a sense of cultural identity, learning to communicate effectively, dealing with sexual conflict, raising children, and adapting to changing roles for men and women--all from a Latino perspective. In addition, she answers the ten most frequently asked questions about love, sex, and relationships, including how to meet a mate, how to interact with a spouse's family, and how to maintain a loving and passionate relationship. Using intimate case histories of couples from diverse backgrounds, Dr. Nogales shows readers how to take the best from both the mainstream American and Latino cultures to create relationships and families that are strong, nurturing, and loving. Warm, candid, and authoritative, Dr. Ana Nogales' Book of Love, Sex, and Relationships is sure to become an invaluable resource for Latino couples everywhere.

Listen to Podcast Interviews to Dr. Ana Nogales

JOSE MIRANDA, FROM YO SOY LATINO.INTERVIEW TO ANA NOGALES

"... May, 23 2009 - Victims of Crime: a Chat with Ana L. Nogales, Ph.D.

Dr. Nogales is a clinical psychologist and founder of Nogales Psychological Counseling, Inc. and the Clinical Director of a nonprofit organization Casa de la Familia, which was established for victims of crime—sufferers of rape, sexual assault, child molestation and physical abuse as well as domestic violence and human trafficking.
Additionally, she is the President of ALMA, Association for Latino Mental Health Awareness in Orange County, which is dedicated to eradicating the stigma associated with mental illness.
Currently, Dr. Nogales serves on the board of the California Women's Commission on Addictions as the President and is an active board member of Las Comadres para las Americas and Women’s Transitional Living Center.
There is so much more to Dr. Nogales. In truth this is just the tip of the iceberg so listen to our show on the 23rd and find out more.

.........."

Dr. Ana Nogales
Dr. Nogales is one of the most well-known and respected Latinas in the United States. Through her private practice, media presence, numerous books, and organizational leadership, she has dedicated herself to ensuring the mental health and success of women, Latinos, and anyone else who struggles with cultural and personal issues, victimization, and inequality.
After immigrating to the United States in 1979, Dr. Nogales completed her doctorate degree in psychology at the United States International University in San Diego. She then went on to open her own private practice in 1982 in both Los Angeles and Orange Counties. As a clinical psychologist and founder of Nogales Psychological Counseling, Inc., she is deeply committed to helping members of the Latino community improve their personal relationships and emotional health, as well as adjust to and thrive in the complex multi-cultural environment in which they live.

Dr. Nogales is the founder and Clinical Director of the nonprofit organization, Casa de la Familia, which she established for victims of crimes such as human trafficking, domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, child sexual, and physical abuse. She currently supervises a clinical staff of forty mental health professionals. This organization has a program called Promotores de Salud Mental, which is dedicated to the outreach and engagement of mental health for the Latino community, and is sponsored by the Orange County Health Care Agency.
She is also the President of the Association for Latino Mental Health Awareness (ALMA) in Orange County, California, which is dedicated to eradicating the stigma of mental illness. Additionally, she is an active board member on the Multi Cultural Task Force, Las Comadres para las Americas, and the Women Transitional Living Center, a shelter for women and children. Dr. Nogales was the President of the California Women's Commission on Addictions until 2008.

Her new book PARENTS WHO CHEAT: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful has recently been released by HCI: Health Communications Inc. (June 2009)
Dr. Nogales is also the author of Dr. Ana Nogales' Book of Love, Sex and Relationships: A Guide for Latino Couples (Broadway Books/Bantam Doubleday Dell), the first book to address the specific concerns of Latino couples. She also authored Latina Power! Using the Seven Strengths You Already Have to Create the Success You Deserve (Simon & Schuster, USA and Puerto Rico; Grijalbo, Latin America), and is in the process of developing a series of workbooks based on Latina Power, starting with domestic violence.

Dr. Nogales has written for the Pfizer Laboratories Newsletter about intimacy and relationship issues, and has been interviewed by the Los Angeles Times, the Orange County Register, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Latina, Latina Style, Estylo, and People en Español, as well as other notable periodicals. She also participated on a panel of ten prominent relationship experts in Redbook magazine's special feature on "Marriage and the Family for the New Millennium."

Dr. Nogales has also become a playwright. She wrote the play, DE SABIOS Y LOCOS, with the intention of raising awareness of mental health issues within the Latino community while simultaneously reducing the mental health stigma associated with accessing mental health services. Her play shows the drama of a Latino family in a culturally sensitive and responsive manner. The goal of the play is to encourage early detection and intervention in mental health issues. It is her hope that this new and innovative approach will reach those communities that have historically been inaccessible.

Her newest play, DO NOT CALL ME BABY!, is a theater piece whose purpose is to expose the sobering reality of a thriving criminal enterprise- human trafficking. It appeals to audiences at every level, both male and female, and of every race and culture. It is structured in a way in which the veracity of human trafficking is not simply revealed, but also given means to a healing end. And while the audience, via the central character, is provided with psychological advice, they are also presented with information on who to contact should they encounter a similar situation.

Dr. Nogales began her media career in 1980 at Univision (channel 34) with a regular weekly segment entitled "Ella y Él" on Mundo Latino. Her own radio talk show, (La Voz, KPLS 8.30 AM) and television talk show, "Aquí Entre Nos"/"Just Between Us" (channel 22, Los Angeles) established her as a household name throughout the Latino community. She had a regular segment, "Solo Para Adultos", on the Univision Channel 34 News, and on Telemundo-LA’s evening news. She has appeared on numerous radio and TV programs, including "The Cristina Show", "Despierta America", and other top-rated national talk shows on Spanish language television.

Presently, she is collaborating with Telemundo Al Mediodia and Univision. She is a recurrent guest on CNN en Español, and on national and local radio programs in Los Angeles, New York City, Chicago, Miami, San Antonio, San José, and other major cities.

In addition to the weekly column she has written for the last seventeen years in La Opinión (Los Angeles), the country's #1 Spanish language newspaper, syndicated to La Raza (Chicago) and La Prensa (New York), she writes a bi-monthly column in the magazines Para Todos and Bodas.

The overwhelming popularity and success of Dr. Nogales' radio, television and print shows inspired her to produce a series of self-help audio cassettes entitled Auto-Ayuda Psicológica. The tapes address many of the topics discussed during her radio and television appearances, such as "Combating Depression", "Managing Anxiety", and "Understanding the Opposite Sex."

Dr. Nogales has been featured at workshops and conferences throughout the United States, including at the Omega Institute and The Women's Foundation, as well as at conferences in Mexico City, Guadalajara, and Buenos Aires. Her most recent presentation at the Omega Institute was on September 14-16, 2007 to address the worldwide status of women at the Women, Power and Peace Conference where she presented with Nobel Prize Laureate Rigoberta Menchu Tum.

In recognition of the critical role she has played in California, her life story and her varied accomplishments are featured in the exhibit entitled Latinas: The Spirit of California at the California Museum for History, Women, and the Arts, in Sacramento.

Dr. Nogales is committed to condemning racism and discrimination and has been appointed to the APA (American Psychological Association) Presidential Virtual Working Group on Anti-Semitic, Anti-Jewish and Other Religions, Religion-Related and/or Religion Derived Prejudice and Discrimination Task Force.
Through her insightful and compassionate writings, appearances, organizational leadership, and psychological counseling, Dr. Nogales has strived to make a difference in the lives of women and men from diverse classes and ethnic backgrounds, and is passionately dedicated to furthering this important work.

Other awards:
In recognition of the critical role she has played in California, Dr. Ana Nogales’ life story and her varied accomplishments are being featured at the exhibit Latinas: The Spirit of California at the California Museum for History, Women, and the Arts, in Sacramento. This exhibit began in June of 2005 and has been extended to June 2009.

2009 Heritage Humanitarian Award by United States International Mission and One Million Kids
2009 Amazing Woman of the Year by National Association of Women Business Owners, Inland Empire Chapter
2007 Latina Entrepreneur of the Year Award from the National Latina Business Women Association, Orange County
2006 Humanitarian Award by SOKA GAKKAI INTERNATIONAL and SGI-USA
2006 Commendation for Outstanding Service to Crime Victimes from the Los Angeles District Attorney, Steve Cooley.
2005 For Outstanding Service to the People of the County of Los Angeles
2005 Remarkable Women Award, National Association of Business Women.
2004 Paloma Award from Future Leaders of America for “Inspirational Leadership in Serving the Community”
2004 Mentorship Award from the organization Dialogue on Diversity for "Career Contributions, through Writing, Teaching, and Counseling."
1994 Commendation for "AQUI ENTRE NOS" radio show by L.A. County Board of Supervisor