Winner of the 12th Annual International Latino Book Awards!!

I am very proud to share with you the latest event that took place this past May 25 at the Javits Center in New York City, where the 2010 International Latino Book Awards Winners were announced. This major event showcases the diversity and importance of our multicultural community.

My latest book Parents Who Cheat received First Place.

12th Annual International Latino Book Awards Winner

Best Parenting/Family Book - English

Parents Who Cheat. How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their parents Are Unfaithful - Dr. Ana Nogales - Health Communications, Inc.

Latino Literacy Now is a non-profit organization that supports and promotes literacy and literary excellence within the Latino community. They created the Latino Book Awards back in 1999 in recognition of the many positive contributions being made to Latino literature by publishers and writers worldwide.  

I feel very proud and I am glad that many people is reading and using this book as an aid in dealing with problems that may have originated with a parent’s unfaithfulness. In my book I also suggest ways that parents can minimize the negative effects of infidelity on a child.

Thank you all and I as always welcome your comments.

Remember to buy a copy for your friends and family from Amazon today!

-Dr. Ana Nogales.

Private affairs

When a married parent secretly chooses to become sexually involved with another partner for whatever personal reason, chances are that he or she has not considered how their children will be affected. Or perhaps the parent rationalizes his or her infidelity with the commonly held belief that "children always learn to adapt" and that it is just a temporary transition "fairly common these days".

Children certainly adapt. They will do what they can to get their needs met regardless of the anger, confusion, and loss of trust most often brought on by parental infidelity. But they will also feel betrayed, because the parent will have broken a promise that is essential to every family: to be loyal and loving toward one another.

Unfortunately, without the needed guidance, children and adult children whose parents are unfaithful may adapt by acting out with self-inhibiting behavior; by expecting less from friends, lovers, and spouses; or by seeking partners with whom they can replay the infidelity drama, either as the betrayer or the betrayed, in order to resolve or make sense of it.

- Dr. Ana Nogales

A Family Crisis

A few days ago, I was asked to give my opinion regarding my latest book "Parents Who Cheat" and the so called "Family Secrets".

Can partners and parents really keep secrets from each other and from their children - or will those secrets eventually surface and become even more painful? Is it always best to tell the truth, even if it means hurting your partner-and your child?


When infidelity results in a family crisis, I strongly believe that children are entitled to know what happened. Shielding them from the truth only adds to their sense of unease and confusion. With that said, it can be tricky for parents to decide how much they should reveal to a child.

Obviously, children don't need to know details of an affair, and what they are told will depend on their age. But children should be informed of the general facts, so that their feelings of confusion and distress can be validated and dealt with. Parents can explain that adults may make serious mistakes, even hurt the people they love.
Children who are told the truth in an age-appropriate way will fare far better than those who discover the secret on their own or are forced to live with unconfirmed suspicions about those they love.
 
- Dr. Ana Nogales

Some of it was minor cheating ...

Consider the following:

Image by happeningfish via Flickr

Lynn felt more sympathetic toward her “life-of-the-party” father, and her story is an example of how a parent’s infidelity can negatively influence a child’s adult relationships. When I asked her how her father’s affairs and her mother’s angry accusations affected her own romantic involvements, Lynn told me that she had spent her twenties, thirties, and early forties involved with a series of men, and that she had been unfaithful to all of them.

I either dated people who were like my father — handsome, life-of-the-party, screw everybody he wanted to — or I dated men who were completely emotionally unavailable — again, like my father. And throughout every relationship that I had, all the way up to the last one before I got married [for the first time at age 45], I cheated on them. Every one of them. Some of it was minor cheating, if there is such a thing, and some of it was major.

In each of her serious relationships, Lynn took every opportunity to have secret sexual encounters with someone else. In one instance, when a live-in boyfriend was out of town, she flew off to be with a man she had recently met on a business trip. During another relationship that lasted five years, she would go out with other guys whenever her boyfriend was away. When asked why she had always cheated on her boyfriends, Lynn said that she wasn’t seeking fun or excitement as much as she felt she was “entitled to it” — much as her father had felt he was entitled to cheat on her mother. “I felt I was entitled to do what I wanted since I was holding my own, paying my rent, paying my own bills.”

In Lynn’s mind, since her father paid all the bills, he was entitled to do as he pleased; unlike her mother, who was dependent on her father for support and therefore couldn’t leave him even though he was unfaithful. While Lynn was unaware of it until we spoke, her own behavior reflected not only that she felt “entitled” to be a cheater like her dad, but that she feared becoming a victim of infidelity, like her mother.

Although Lynn has not been sexually unfaithful to her husband, she has engaged in secret lunch dates with an ex-boyfriend. She justifies her “lunch-only” affair because it is not sexual, but she admits that she has an emotional connection to her ex. By continuing this clandestine relationship, Lynn is demonstrating that she still needs to be unfaithful in order to avoid becoming a victim of infidelity. Sadly, she is still acting out her response to her family’s infidelity drama.

If your parent was unfaithful, how can you avoid the type of acting out that Lynn has been stuck with for so long? The key is to take an honest look at your present behavior and think about how it might be connected to what happened between your parents. Confront your own feelings of anger, sadness, betrayal, or confusion—so that they won’t spill over into your relationships without your being aware of it. By doing so, you can assure your own chances of happily ever after.

- Dr. Ana Nogales

myFOXla 11 news

Los Angeles (myFOXla.com)

Last week they have aired a report in the FOX11 news about 'Parents who cheat'. More and more people is more aware about the implications of infidelity in children, young and adults.

Give yourself a chance to have the facts and read and comment on my book. Thanks to all of you that are actively commenting already.

You can access the video of this news report here. Remember to stop by my site and read the latest news about 'Parents who cheat'.

- Dr. Ana Nogales

Thank you!!

I want to thank to all those avid readers for their comments and questions about my book.

I have posted more events and news on my website for you to follow along what is happening with 'Parents who cheat'.

Remember to also follow my Twitter and Facebook. I have read your comments in my wall. Thanks for the support. Keep in touch.

- Ana Nogales

Want to learn more about my book?

In the first chapters of my book 'Parents who cheat', I will suggest ways that parents can minimize the negative effects of infidelity on a child, and I will offer adult children advice for dealing with problems that may have originated with a parent’s unfaithfulness.

-Dr. Ana Nogales

Podcasting and Infidelity

Psychjourney Podcasts made me a very interesting interview that they have posted in their podcasting blog. You can listen to the 35 minute audio here or through my website here.

We talked about my book 'Parents who Cheat' and how indifelity affects children (young and adult) in their own relations. Thank you so much to Deborah Harper, President of Psychjourney, I had a great time.

I have posted this an other of my interviews on my website ananogales.com for you to listen to.

- Dr. Nogales

Want to stop by and say hello??

I will have a book signing at Libreria Martinez,

Wed Sept 30 at 6pm

Join us!

For more details please go to

http://www.latinobooks.com/events.html

“Can I Forgive My Parent?”

Seeing my father making efforts to gain back my mother’s faith in him made me believe he was sincere in asking for forgiveness. And once I realized that I’ve been forgiven for all of my sins, how could I not forgive my father for the hurt that he caused?
- Brenda, 33

One time my mom did ask for our forgiveness. We were eating dinner, me and my brothers and her, and she said, ‘I made some mistakes…’ but I didn’t feel like it was very heartfelt. Maybe it was, I don’t know. I remember she started crying.
- Grace, 25

I’m not sure if I really did forgive my father. I went through the motions of it, and I thought I did at the time, right before he died…but I feel a lot of frustration because I never really got to understand why he did it.
- Jane, 59


Forgiving is not condoning. Nor is it an agreement to ignore wrongdoing. Forgiving is about accepting human frailty, even in your own parents whom you look to as your primary role models. But in order to come to that acceptance, as an older child or adult child of infidelity you must go through a process of understanding, expressing, and letting go of your resentments: understanding your family’s infidelity crisis and how you were affected by it; working through and expressing your feelings about it; and then finally relinquishing your anger and resentment toward your parent or parents.

If you are a child of infidelity who wants to forgive a parent, you will need to confront such difficult questions as these:

• Can I accept that someone I love and trusted has done something wrong?
• Can I accept that my parent failed to live up to his/her professed moral values?
• Can I accept that my parent unintentionally hurt me, yet still loves me?
• Can I accept that one parent deeply hurt the other?
• Can I forgive the parent who cheated even if my betrayed parent cannot?
  

...

You can get more useful tools and tips in my new book "Parents who Cheat".

"I actually got a role model.."

Anthony’s story: My mother’s lover was my role model

Anthony grew up in a home where his parents often argued about his father’s alleged affairs. In fact, he remembers feeling grateful as a child when he came down with bronchitis because it provided a respite, forcing his parents to concentrate on his health rather than bicker at each other. Anthony never saw his father with another woman, but he did come into close contact with someone else who was instrumental in shaping Anthony’s adult behavior: the man whom Anthony is certain was his mother’s secret lover. Although he has only recently become aware of the extent to which his mother’s infidelity has influenced his adult relationships, Anthony is beginning to realize that his own romantic choices and predilections are loosely modeled after those of the gentleman who was his mother’s secret boyfriend.

Anthony claims to have freely chosen to be “the other man” in a series of love triangles, but might he actually be acting out the infidelity drama that he witnessed as a young boy? Acting out is never a behavior one freely chooses. Rather, we engage in acting out behavior when we are unconsciously grappling with unresolved issues. This is how Anthony described how the drama of infidelity first appeared to him as a child.

I was pretty young, I’m not even sure how old, but my mother had a friend who would come over and visit her. In some way, I knew that they had a kind of relationship, and yet there was nothing I saw that would prove my mother was unfaithful. But this man would come and be with her and would never come over when my father was there. Even at that young age, I was suspicious. I remember asking my mother, “What is this man doing here in my house?”


...
Excerpt from my book "Parents Who Cheat".

“Am I Acting Out My Parents’ Infidelity Drama?”

....

She was definitely upset about her mother’s affair, but I never thought it would lead to this.
- Father of 15-year-old Rona, referring to his daughter’s drug use and self-abuse

My father always had other women, so I just kind of thought it was normal. When I grew up, I would always be involved with men who were in relationships. And I remember making that almost a conscious thought, like, ‘Okay, guys cheat, it’s gonna happen anyway, and it’s better to be the other woman than the girlfriend or the wife or whatever’ and that’s kind of how I used to live my life.
- Female survey respondent, age 43

I enjoy anonymous sex more than intimacy. I’m always looking for the "next thing” and not appreciating the person in front of me.
- Male survey respondent in his 30s, referring to how he has been affected by his father’s infidelity


When children are unable to deal with the confusion and shame, anger and resentment that arise from a family’s infidelity scenario, they very often act out their painful emotions. A young child may withdraw socially, have temper tantrums or engage in other disruptive behavior. An older child of infidelity may become involved in substance abuse, sexual promiscuity, or other self-destructive behavior as a way to bury the hurt or demonstrate unacknowledged feelings about their parent’s actions. Rather than confront the distasteful, often shocking, reality that one of their parents sexually cheated on the other, children may distract themselves with unhealthy, self-abusive activities. If they identify with the betrayer, they may feel that lies are okay if you are pursuing an activity or a relationship you enjoy—and that it’s just a matter of not getting caught and learning how to cheat effectively. If their sympathies lie with the betrayed parent, older children and adult children may become victims of infidelity themselves; or they may choose partners with whom they can be the betrayer and thus act out a kind of revenge against their cheating parent.

You can read more in my book "Parents who cheat"

Do you watch Good Day LA?

If you do then you probably had the opportunity to watch this:

It was amazing!!! They asked me very interesting questions and we had a very nice chat. I had the chance to talk about facts from my new book "Parents who cheat".

You can watch the whole segment at myFoxLA.com by following THIS:

What are the emotional consequences for the child – young or old – when a parent cheats?

Parents Who Cheat
How Children and Adults are Affected When Their Parents are Unfaithful
By Ana Nogales, Ph.D.
With Laura Golden Bellotti

Health Communications, Inc., July 2009
ISBN-13: 978-0757306525


Many books explore the affects of marital infidelity on a marriage, but Parents Who Cheat is the first book to examine how parental infidelity directly affects the children.


With compassion and piercing insight, Dr. Ana Nogales explains how a parent’s adultery can damage a child's perception of love and marriage and his ability to trust. She reveals why a child may feel ashamed or guilty about his parent’s sexual betrayal, how he may inadvertently become the emotional caretaker of his betrayed parent, and why adult children often choose unfaithful partners or become unfaithful themselves. Through stories of children struggling to understand their parents' adultery, as well as case histories of adult children coping with unresolved issues related to a parent’s unfaithfulness, Dr. Nogales clarifies the effects of parental infidelity and points the way toward healing, forgiveness, and more trusting relationships with parents and partners.


Whether you are a betrayed parent, a parent who cheated, or an adult child whose parent was unfaithful, Parents Who Cheat will help you understand and courageously deal with the adverse effects of parental infidelity.

CLICK HERE TO BUY THE BOOK NOW! >>

Latest release: "Parents Who Cheat"

"Parents Who Cheat"
by Dr. Ana Nogales

CLICK HERE TO BUY THE BOOK NOW! >>

When a child of any age discovers that one parent has cheated on the other, that child suffers a profound loss of trust. He or she can no longer take anyone at face value and constantly anticipates betrayal. The following comments are from adult children, ranging in age from twenty to fifty, for whom the feeling of “deep mistrust” is an ongoing issue.


When your parents sexually betray each other, you are often left with a host of emotions that reverberate well into adulthood. Shock, rage, shame, confusion, loss of trust—these are common responses of those whose parents were unfaithful. It is no wonder, then, that an adult child’s romantic relationships will be deeply affected by a parent’s broken vow.

About the Author

Dr. Ana Nogales is a clinical psychologist with years of experience helping clients whose lives have been impacted by parental infidelity. She is the founder of Nogales Psychological Counseling, Inc. and Clinical Director of the nonprofit organization that she founded, Casa de la Familia, established for victims of crime. She practices in Los Angeles and Orange Counties, supervising a clinical program of forty bilingual-bicultural mental health professionals. The author of Latina Power! and Dr. Ana Nogales’ Book of Love, Sex, and Relationships, Dr. Nogales is also a well known media expert who has hosted her own television and radio programs and written an ongoing column for La Opinion, the country’s #1 Spanish language newspaper, as well as other media outlets. Featured at workshops and conferences throughout the United States and Latin America, including at the Omega Institute and the Women's Foundation, Dr. Nogales appeared with Nobel Prize Laureate, Rigoberta Menchu Tum at the 2007 Women, Power and Peace Conference.

Laura Golden Bellotti is a writer who has co-authored and ghostwritten a number of nonfiction books, including: Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults are Affected When Their Parents are Unfaithful (HCI); Emotionally Healthy Twins (DaCapo Press); Latina Power! (Simon & Schuster); Dr. Ana Nogales' Book of Love, Sex and Relationships: A Guide for Latino Couples (Broadway Books); Creative Weddings (Plume/Penguin); and You Can't Hurry Love (Dutton/Penguin).

Her short story, "It Will Be Sweet," was published in WEST, the Los Angeles Times Sunday magazine, having been selected by their Literary Editor, Amy Tan. Her story "Fighting the Bulls" appears in the anthology, Literary Angles (Sybaritic Press). And her poems appear in Poetic Medicine, by John Fox (Tarcher), and Essential Love, edited by Ginny Lowe Connors (Poetworks/Grayson Books), as well as in various literary journals.

Ms. Bellotti was the editor of the best-selling Women Who Love Too Much and has since edited numerous nonfiction books in the areas of psychology, parenting, relationships, women's issues, creativity, spirituality, and health.

She lives in Los Angeles and is a member of the Los Angeles Editors and Writers Group.

CLICK HERE TO BUY THE BOOK NOW! >>

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Product Details
Paperback: 264 pages
Publisher: HCI (July 1, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0757306527
ISBN-13: 978-0757306525
Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces

Dr. Ana Nogales
Dr. Nogales is one of the most well-known and respected Latinas in the United States. Through her private practice, media presence, numerous books, and organizational leadership, she has dedicated herself to ensuring the mental health and success of women, Latinos, and anyone else who struggles with cultural and personal issues, victimization, and inequality.
After immigrating to the United States in 1979, Dr. Nogales completed her doctorate degree in psychology at the United States International University in San Diego. She then went on to open her own private practice in 1982 in both Los Angeles and Orange Counties. As a clinical psychologist and founder of Nogales Psychological Counseling, Inc., she is deeply committed to helping members of the Latino community improve their personal relationships and emotional health, as well as adjust to and thrive in the complex multi-cultural environment in which they live.

Dr. Nogales is the founder and Clinical Director of the nonprofit organization, Casa de la Familia, which she established for victims of crimes such as human trafficking, domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, child sexual, and physical abuse. She currently supervises a clinical staff of forty mental health professionals. This organization has a program called Promotores de Salud Mental, which is dedicated to the outreach and engagement of mental health for the Latino community, and is sponsored by the Orange County Health Care Agency.
She is also the President of the Association for Latino Mental Health Awareness (ALMA) in Orange County, California, which is dedicated to eradicating the stigma of mental illness. Additionally, she is an active board member on the Multi Cultural Task Force, Las Comadres para las Americas, and the Women Transitional Living Center, a shelter for women and children. Dr. Nogales was the President of the California Women's Commission on Addictions until 2008.

Her new book PARENTS WHO CHEAT: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful has recently been released by HCI: Health Communications Inc. (June 2009)
Dr. Nogales is also the author of Dr. Ana Nogales' Book of Love, Sex and Relationships: A Guide for Latino Couples (Broadway Books/Bantam Doubleday Dell), the first book to address the specific concerns of Latino couples. She also authored Latina Power! Using the Seven Strengths You Already Have to Create the Success You Deserve (Simon & Schuster, USA and Puerto Rico; Grijalbo, Latin America), and is in the process of developing a series of workbooks based on Latina Power, starting with domestic violence.

Dr. Nogales has written for the Pfizer Laboratories Newsletter about intimacy and relationship issues, and has been interviewed by the Los Angeles Times, the Orange County Register, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Latina, Latina Style, Estylo, and People en Español, as well as other notable periodicals. She also participated on a panel of ten prominent relationship experts in Redbook magazine's special feature on "Marriage and the Family for the New Millennium."

Dr. Nogales has also become a playwright. She wrote the play, DE SABIOS Y LOCOS, with the intention of raising awareness of mental health issues within the Latino community while simultaneously reducing the mental health stigma associated with accessing mental health services. Her play shows the drama of a Latino family in a culturally sensitive and responsive manner. The goal of the play is to encourage early detection and intervention in mental health issues. It is her hope that this new and innovative approach will reach those communities that have historically been inaccessible.

Her newest play, DO NOT CALL ME BABY!, is a theater piece whose purpose is to expose the sobering reality of a thriving criminal enterprise- human trafficking. It appeals to audiences at every level, both male and female, and of every race and culture. It is structured in a way in which the veracity of human trafficking is not simply revealed, but also given means to a healing end. And while the audience, via the central character, is provided with psychological advice, they are also presented with information on who to contact should they encounter a similar situation.

Dr. Nogales began her media career in 1980 at Univision (channel 34) with a regular weekly segment entitled "Ella y Él" on Mundo Latino. Her own radio talk show, (La Voz, KPLS 8.30 AM) and television talk show, "Aquí Entre Nos"/"Just Between Us" (channel 22, Los Angeles) established her as a household name throughout the Latino community. She had a regular segment, "Solo Para Adultos", on the Univision Channel 34 News, and on Telemundo-LA’s evening news. She has appeared on numerous radio and TV programs, including "The Cristina Show", "Despierta America", and other top-rated national talk shows on Spanish language television.

Presently, she is collaborating with Telemundo Al Mediodia and Univision. She is a recurrent guest on CNN en Español, and on national and local radio programs in Los Angeles, New York City, Chicago, Miami, San Antonio, San José, and other major cities.

In addition to the weekly column she has written for the last seventeen years in La Opinión (Los Angeles), the country's #1 Spanish language newspaper, syndicated to La Raza (Chicago) and La Prensa (New York), she writes a bi-monthly column in the magazines Para Todos and Bodas.

The overwhelming popularity and success of Dr. Nogales' radio, television and print shows inspired her to produce a series of self-help audio cassettes entitled Auto-Ayuda Psicológica. The tapes address many of the topics discussed during her radio and television appearances, such as "Combating Depression", "Managing Anxiety", and "Understanding the Opposite Sex."

Dr. Nogales has been featured at workshops and conferences throughout the United States, including at the Omega Institute and The Women's Foundation, as well as at conferences in Mexico City, Guadalajara, and Buenos Aires. Her most recent presentation at the Omega Institute was on September 14-16, 2007 to address the worldwide status of women at the Women, Power and Peace Conference where she presented with Nobel Prize Laureate Rigoberta Menchu Tum.

In recognition of the critical role she has played in California, her life story and her varied accomplishments are featured in the exhibit entitled Latinas: The Spirit of California at the California Museum for History, Women, and the Arts, in Sacramento.

Dr. Nogales is committed to condemning racism and discrimination and has been appointed to the APA (American Psychological Association) Presidential Virtual Working Group on Anti-Semitic, Anti-Jewish and Other Religions, Religion-Related and/or Religion Derived Prejudice and Discrimination Task Force.
Through her insightful and compassionate writings, appearances, organizational leadership, and psychological counseling, Dr. Nogales has strived to make a difference in the lives of women and men from diverse classes and ethnic backgrounds, and is passionately dedicated to furthering this important work.

Other awards:
In recognition of the critical role she has played in California, Dr. Ana Nogales’ life story and her varied accomplishments are being featured at the exhibit Latinas: The Spirit of California at the California Museum for History, Women, and the Arts, in Sacramento. This exhibit began in June of 2005 and has been extended to June 2009.

2009 Heritage Humanitarian Award by United States International Mission and One Million Kids
2009 Amazing Woman of the Year by National Association of Women Business Owners, Inland Empire Chapter
2007 Latina Entrepreneur of the Year Award from the National Latina Business Women Association, Orange County
2006 Humanitarian Award by SOKA GAKKAI INTERNATIONAL and SGI-USA
2006 Commendation for Outstanding Service to Crime Victimes from the Los Angeles District Attorney, Steve Cooley.
2005 For Outstanding Service to the People of the County of Los Angeles
2005 Remarkable Women Award, National Association of Business Women.
2004 Paloma Award from Future Leaders of America for “Inspirational Leadership in Serving the Community”
2004 Mentorship Award from the organization Dialogue on Diversity for "Career Contributions, through Writing, Teaching, and Counseling."
1994 Commendation for "AQUI ENTRE NOS" radio show by L.A. County Board of Supervisor