“Am I Acting Out My Parents’ Infidelity Drama?”

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She was definitely upset about her mother’s affair, but I never thought it would lead to this.
- Father of 15-year-old Rona, referring to his daughter’s drug use and self-abuse

My father always had other women, so I just kind of thought it was normal. When I grew up, I would always be involved with men who were in relationships. And I remember making that almost a conscious thought, like, ‘Okay, guys cheat, it’s gonna happen anyway, and it’s better to be the other woman than the girlfriend or the wife or whatever’ and that’s kind of how I used to live my life.
- Female survey respondent, age 43

I enjoy anonymous sex more than intimacy. I’m always looking for the "next thing” and not appreciating the person in front of me.
- Male survey respondent in his 30s, referring to how he has been affected by his father’s infidelity


When children are unable to deal with the confusion and shame, anger and resentment that arise from a family’s infidelity scenario, they very often act out their painful emotions. A young child may withdraw socially, have temper tantrums or engage in other disruptive behavior. An older child of infidelity may become involved in substance abuse, sexual promiscuity, or other self-destructive behavior as a way to bury the hurt or demonstrate unacknowledged feelings about their parent’s actions. Rather than confront the distasteful, often shocking, reality that one of their parents sexually cheated on the other, children may distract themselves with unhealthy, self-abusive activities. If they identify with the betrayer, they may feel that lies are okay if you are pursuing an activity or a relationship you enjoy—and that it’s just a matter of not getting caught and learning how to cheat effectively. If their sympathies lie with the betrayed parent, older children and adult children may become victims of infidelity themselves; or they may choose partners with whom they can be the betrayer and thus act out a kind of revenge against their cheating parent.

You can read more in my book "Parents who cheat"