Private affairs

When a married parent secretly chooses to become sexually involved with another partner for whatever personal reason, chances are that he or she has not considered how their children will be affected. Or perhaps the parent rationalizes his or her infidelity with the commonly held belief that "children always learn to adapt" and that it is just a temporary transition "fairly common these days".

Children certainly adapt. They will do what they can to get their needs met regardless of the anger, confusion, and loss of trust most often brought on by parental infidelity. But they will also feel betrayed, because the parent will have broken a promise that is essential to every family: to be loyal and loving toward one another.

Unfortunately, without the needed guidance, children and adult children whose parents are unfaithful may adapt by acting out with self-inhibiting behavior; by expecting less from friends, lovers, and spouses; or by seeking partners with whom they can replay the infidelity drama, either as the betrayer or the betrayed, in order to resolve or make sense of it.

- Dr. Ana Nogales